OPINION: Stop Whinging, The Metro’s Mint

By Robin Darke on October 3, 2012 in Society

Living in the North East is just a little bit better than swimming in the Amazon with things crawling up your piss pipe; in fact, that still happens in parts of Sunderland. When the weather; between floods and torrential rain, isn’t putting a dampener on almost everything, then there’s the lovely locals who drag children called Saffyr and Roarie crying and screaming to every possible event. It’s like being fisted by God: he giveth and then he taketh away.

Thankfully, not every part of the North East is crawling with irritants. There’s the Baltic and Quayside crammed with places that will make you slowly fart yourself into nirvana; there’s some of the nicest beaches this side of Scarborough, and the jewel in the North East’s crown of stotties and pease pudding; the Metro system.

It might not be perfect; nothing can claim to be Zooey Deschanel’s quirky acting obviously, and there’s huge parts of the system that could do with a massive overhaul in regards to consumer’s safety, but for what it delivers day after day, week after week, year after year (torrential flooding aside) is astounding and should be celebrated, not denigrated because a cow has decided that lying across the tracks will be the highlight of it’s day. Literally and metaphorically.

Metro haters; would you rather that you plowed train first into a cow and see her insides fling themselves up against your window at two hundred miles an hour? Or would you rather possibly derail yourself on an icy branch? We’ve all seen Unbreakable, and regardless of what you think, you’re not Bruce Willis. You’re more Bruce Jenner. Face facts.

No one likes to wait for something. Although the British might have a reputation for spending a portion of their time in queues and having teeth that look like the Blitz has gone two rounds with a row of terraced houses, in the grander scheme of things, is it that bad? Wouldn’t it be better to be able to say “Eliza-bet, I’m popping to Pret for dinner, do you want anything?” instead of jettisoning off an icy track and being crushed to death?

Of course it is.

The Metro might take precautions for your own safety, but how else would you get around the North East for a fraction of a price of a taxi? You can go straight from Sunderland city centre all the way to Newcastle airport and jet off to somewhere without having to change stations or mess around with piles of tickets and change, because now a majority of Metro stations have card machines so you don’t even need to get a tenner out and buy some Soft Mints to get on.

The Metro is a magical system that will take you miles away for relatively nothing, and you don’t even need to get attitude from a surly bus driver that doesn’t say Hello even though saying Hello is a natural human behaviour. Honestly, don’t get us started on buses.

Whereas bus prices rocket every few months with ten pence added onto ten pence in a semi-annual festival of opening your wallets, taking your money and then spitting in your face, Metro prices seem to be reasonably the same. At £1.60 for one zone ranging to £3.10 for three zones, this would be pittance compared to the price of getting a number of transfers on a bus. There’s also the option of a WednesDay Saver which brings the price down even further. Anyone who says that the Metro is exceptionally expensive clearly hasn’t seen what the alternative is. In one instance, it costs £1.60 to travel the same amount of distance that a bus would charge £2.40 for. That’s just basic maths people.

So, ride the Metro and you might find the love of your life. It happened in the Opening Ceremony.

Or you might just see a fight…

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